Foster a Sense of Self-Accountability: 5. Learn to say no

Set healthy boundaries and detox your life; learn to say no

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It is only human to run towards what makes us feel good, and resisting such impulses is an act of self-control. Too much of a good thing can be unhealthy, so knowing how to set those limits is important. As children, that role is normally filled by our parents. If a child is sick and wants to eat ice cream and run into the cold, the parents will stop him and set the boundary.

Likewise, as our own parent, we must resume the responsibility of taking care of our own well-being. Sometimes, that means learning to say no — both to others, and ourselves.

This safe-guarding is about being aware of the effects certain situations can have on us, even those we enjoy. This could be learning to control your appetite for food, learning to limit your alcohol consumption, or even limiting your interactions with friends who are toxic to you and may only take advantage of you.

For example, a person may be taken advantage of by a friend, but that person may be too nice to say anything to challenge that friend. This creates inner tension, which will inevitably further poison the friendship, especially if that person is being dishonest with themselves.

If he does not learn to call out such behavior on the part of his friend, his friend will keep asking for favors. But, if the person manages to set his foot down and say no (setting his boundary), tells his friend how he feels and what he is comfortable in doing, then, he may avoid being taken for granted. Likewise, his friend will know how to behave to nurture the friendship.

As to setting rules and boundaries for yourself, see this as an example of being more assertive with your inner child. It is a form of self-accountability to remind yourself of healthy parameters within which you have determined to operate in order to help you on your path to evolution. This includes setting both bottom lines (absolute boundaries you will not cross for others or yourself) and bottle necks (areas of concern that you are nevertheless willing in some situations to tolerate to some degree).

Simpy put, setting your boundaries is the process by which you create your own rules. Being clear and mindful of those rules gives your life more clarity, structure, and power.

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