Script a New Story for Yourself: 1. Reflect on your past

Reflect on your past and visualise what you don’t want from it

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What is your story?

Imagine yourself at a ripe old age looking back at your entire life: all the experiences, all the lessons, all the heartaches, all the celebrations… Now imagine yourself writing a script of your life. What would you name the screenplay? What kind of story is it? Is it an adventure? A saga? A romance? A comedy? A tragedy? A drama?

Think of life by itself as a story consisting of experiences and memories in our mind shaped by our perspectives and other memories.

Our mind is naturally prone to like drama and sadness — because they can be more stimulating and vivid. So naturally, we are prone to live in our own drama and sometimes blow up an array of negative emotions we may have.

All of these emotions can seem very real, creating more drama within our minds, and sometimes compounds even more negative emotions. This can create a story of victimhood.

Victim to Victor

Being a victim can be comforting because we invite support from others, and we strip off the responsibility to be our own responsible parent. Living in the victim story also sets us up to live and play the role of a victim longer by prolonging those negative emotions. In due course, we may feel more depressed and weak, losing the go-getter fighter spirit we have within ourselves.

A huge part of such victimhood is a mere perspective of memory. It is a perceived story of our experiences and the meaning we have attached to it. Our story, any story, is bigger than the reality, because our story encompasses perspective and attitude, which can change how we perceive the reality. The good news is, it is possible to re-script our victim story to a victor story.

This is what you can do on a piece of paper:

1) Recall a situation that happened to you that made you feel like a victim

2) On the right of the page, plot the drama of the story and how you felt

3) List the actual facts on the left against it

4) Compare the 2 columns, paying particular attention to the events that made you feel like a victim

5) Determine what was possible and impossible to do to change the situation at the time

6) Note down things you did that made you feel better

7) Now, look at the list of things that you did, and things you chose not to do in that situation, and turn the victim story around to a victor story:

● We do this by deciding:

○ a) What you can do differently in future that would empower you, and

○ b) In what ways you were able to break the victim mentality

● At this point, recognise that:

○ a) You’re not stuck as a victim – it was just a choice you made at that time, in a situation that has passed

○ b) You always have the option to turn a victim story into a victor story, not by changing the facts of a situation, but reshaping your perspective of it and how you re-shape your attitude to deal with similar situation differently in the future

Do always remember that the past is only the past. Despite how real it may continue to feel in our minds, it is always no more than a memory. You can’t change facts, but you can experience memories differently. You can learn from your memories, you can find new meaning in them, and you can approach your future with less of the baggage of the past.

As an example, think of the past as a physical photograph. As time wears on, the photograph will fade. The photograph and the captured event are still real, but over time they will become less vivid and more monotone.

Just like that photograph, any negative experience you have can eventually fade as long as you can learn from those experiences and accept them as a part of your story to grow stronger from. You cannot undo those negative things that already happened, but you can evolve as a result to be more resilient and prepared for your future. Just like someone who is bullied has the choice to cower in fear and retreat into themselves, giving in and allowing their personal power to diminish. Or they can instead use that pain as the impetus to stand up for themselves in the moment, and a reminder in future to never let themselves be beaten down again.

Checklist recap: what are some traits that a victor has?

Perseverance

Adaptability

Fortitude

Discipline

Positivity

A key unifying principle to all those traits is not giving in — to pressure, doubts, or circumstances.

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